Ways to get Sabr

Deal with people

Being in a position with constant exposure to people teaches you sabr. People in the front office, rather than the back office have to learn sabr. Responding with kindness and courtesy to people with their varied personalities and moods is an opportunity for husn al khidmah – good service. And you are rewarded for this.  Be genuine. Deep down appreciate that Allah Almighty has sent this to you to learn sabr. When people criticise you, you need sabr. When you feel sad because of people’s criticism though you did your best requires deep tawakkul. This does not mean rejecting constructive criticism, as that is part of pleasing Allah Almighty and improving your character. It means not changing your intention to please Allah Almighty in the face of praise or criticism.
Sabr is boosted by dhikr. If we remember Allah Almighty, when difficulties arise we gain consolation that Allah Almighty is our Protector and the One we trust. Nothing can harm us unless He wills it. And He has promised that every difficulty comes with ease, which increases our patience as we know that the good is around the corner. As long as we are mindful of Him, He is with us:

‘Indeed, Allah is with the patient.’ (2:153)

Does this mean Allah Almighty is not with those who don’t remember Him? In fact, He is there, but they are not with Him. They block Him out of their life. Thus, if our remembrance is low, we choose Shaytaan’s company over Allah Almighty’s. Sabr and dhikr are active states. Like an app we need to put ourselves in dhikr and sabr modes.

Control your emotional responses

Sabr is about being in control of our emotions, saying and doing the right thing, rather than being controlled by our emotions. Sabr is not the passive endurance of hardship and oppression, but taking our complaints and needs to Allah Almighty and asking Him to help us and keep us steadfast, whilst seeking the means to improve our situation. When we lose patience, we hand over control of ourselves to Shaytaan. We become a remote control in his hands. We can lack self-control, losing our patience easily and being angry with everything – fighting flies. We can say things which we regret, and which are as impossible to un-say as trying to put a bull with horns back in a small hole.